How To Forgive Yourself For Something Terrible: 8 Easy Ways To Freedom

How To Forgive Yourself For Something Terrible: An Introduction

Everyone wants to live a good life, a life that is full of opportunities, the right choices, and success. We don’t intend to do the wrong things that may hurt or make someone sad. But mistakes are a part & parcel of life as no one is perfect here. And when we make mistakes, we feel bad. We want to be forgiven by ourselves and by the people whom we hurt. But before anyone else can excuse us for our mistakes, we need to learn to let it go ourselves first. So, let’s explore how to forgive yourself for something terrible.

Before looking at the various ways to let off yourself, let’s see what awful things human beings are capable of doing.

 Terrible Things That People Do

We can do terrible things to people in three ways. The first among these happens via our thoughts.

1)Terrible Thoughts

Our mind and our thoughts should be our temple of peace & positivity. But sometimes, we let improper thoughts sneak into our minds. These thoughts want unpleasant things for others.

Bad Thoughts About Others

When we don’t get what we expect from others, we start thinking foul about them. We wish that the concerned person suffers a loss of some kind. Thoughts come in our minds which want them to suffer. These disgusting thoughts don’t want anything good to happen to that person. Unfortunately, these crappy thoughts about somebody appear correct and justified to us at the moment.

Indifferent Thoughts About Others

Indifferent thoughts about others are also a kind of evil thoughts. When something ugly happens to someone, we should feel pained for them instead of feeling indifferent. Similarly, when something good happens to someone, we should be happy for them and not indifferent. In ordinary times also we should greet them whenever we meet them instead of ignoring them.

‘Not Good’ Thoughts About Others 

Thinking good about others attracts goodness in our lives too. But some people cannot imagine nice about others. They suppress, avoid, or stop thinking positively about others. They even feel annoyed & disapproving when something good happens to others. Also, they compare themselves and their condition to others and start feeling jealous when good thoughts about someone enter their minds.

Sooner or later, everyone realises if they are nurturing shoddy thoughts. That is when they start wondering how they can absolve themselves of their nasty thoughts. And forgiving yourself for your unfriendly thoughts for somebody is a significant part of the bigger question, which is how to forgive yourself for something terrible that you may have done. That is because every gruesome thing that we may perform germinates from our thoughts. So, let’s see how we can pardon ourselves for our offensive thoughts. 

How To Forgive Yourself For Terrible Thoughts

Our mind is like a machine that generates thoughts. It produces all kinds of notions which include destructible ideas as well. But this doesn’t mean that we have done something wrong. These thoughts are mere options your mind gives you before you begin responding to a situation. So, you don’t have to forgive or ask for forgiveness only because a wicked thought occurred in your mind. 

But if you choose this nasty thought and start to develop it by thinking about it over and over again, it’s your business. You have to become & feel responsible for promoting any thought your mind generates. If you don’t take the responsibility of choosing your thoughts wisely, you will keep developing nasty views which might lead you to make them a reality through your actions. Taking responsibility for your thoughts means that you have to separate the bad ones from the good ones. When you do this, you will become able to extinguish & eliminate the hurtful thoughts naturally. That is when you will seek reprieve for choosing and developing those obnoxious thoughts. 

Thoughts Don’t Require Forgiveness

Thoughts don’t harm anyone. They only affect you psychologically. You feel guilty about having entertained wrong thoughts. That means that for unwelcome thoughts, you have to seek forgiveness only from yourself. The best way to let yourself off the hook for your nasty thoughts is not to entertain them thereon. And since you have already assumed the responsibility for your thoughts, you won’t ever choose the bad ones in the future. You will start trusting yourself more and will be able to free yourself from the vicious cycle of your troubling thoughts. 

When you have learned to bury the hatchet to your nasty thoughts, you have laid the foundation of knowing how to forgive yourself for something terrible that you did.

The second way in which people do terrible things is through their words. 

2) Terrible Words

God has given us the gift of languages and the ability to express & communicate what we feel. Instead of using these gifts as an opportunity to bring smiles to people’s faces, some people use them to make others feel bad & small. Learning how to forgive yourself for something terrible is incomplete without knowing how your bad words affect others and how to go easy on yourself for your unkind words.

Words That Hurt Others

People, knowingly or unknowingly, say things that hurt others. These things may be sensitive issues related to their lifestyle, personality, or relationships. Some people argue with or shout at others which makes them feel insulted. They even abuse people that make them feel bad about themselves, turning their lives into a living nightmare. And then they wonder how to forgive yourself after a big mistake that turned somebody’s life upside down.

It’s easy to be toxic to people, but it’s tough to figure out how to forgive yourself for being toxic!

 Words That Make People Worried

Sometimes people utter words that don’t hurt but make people worried, insecure, and anxious. People may threaten others with dire consequences for something they did. They may plant seeds of discontent in their minds regarding something in their lives. They may show them a dark future ahead of them that leaves people hopeless and gasping for breath.

 Words That Should Have Been Said

Sometimes, the words that are never said pinch more than the words that were. Not praising someone when they perform well, hurts. Similarly, not guiding someone through a difficult period when they need it is an uncharitable thing to do to somebody. Also, not giving directions to people to help them come out of their distress makes people lose hope & trust.

Words are almost equivalent to actions. They hurt people if they are not chosen wisely. So, filthy words are not like nasty thoughts which can be done away with, just by forgiving ourselves. We need to ask for mercy & forgiveness, for our shameful words from the people it hurt. We will see how to forgive yourself for your unpleasant words to somebody in the subsequent paragraphs.

The third way to do terrible things is through your actions.

3) Terrible Actions 

We should choose our actions very carefully. That is because our right actions can make someone’s life beautiful, but our wrong actions can also break it into pieces. Learning how to forgive yourself for your objectionable actions is the most critical lesson in discovering how to forgive yourself for something terrible. So, let’s begin by seeing how people’s horrible actions affect others negatively.

 Actions That Harm Others

People harm others with their actions due to ill will, competition & jealousy, or for revenge. They may try to hinder their progress in life. Also, they may try to ruin their accomplishments or destroy what they have achieved. Going further, they may even try to harm them physically through bullying and violence. They may also try to force people’s emotional breakdown, physical harm, and financial collapse through their actions. 

 Actions That Betray Others

People may leave others stranded mid-way through their journeys. This betrayal may be a forced one where one has to attend to his other commitments. The betrayal may also be the consequence of mistrust, misunderstanding, or even brawls that break the bond between people. People may also choose and opt-out of relationships and journeys together to hop onto something better. They may even cheat their partners, which leaves them thinking about how to forgive yourself for cheating! The question of how to forgive yourself for ruining a relationship keeps teasing them continuously throughout their lives.

Actions That Deny Help To Others

People may also deny help to others. They may deny people help to settle past scores. They may do it as they may not be close enough to that person. Or they may deny help as they see it as an opportunity to outgrow them.

People do lamentable things through their thoughts, words, and actions, but sooner or later, they start looking for forgiveness. Finding out how to forgive yourself for something terrible you did, has two stages. The first stage consists of forgiving yourself, while the second stage is to request amnesty from the people you hurt.

Let’s see the various steps involved in forgiving yourself for something terrible you spoke or did to somebody.

I) How To Forgive Yourself For Something Terrible

How to forgive yourself for hurting someone through your words or actions? There are four ways or stages in pardoning yourself for something terrible you did. All of these ways may be exclusively sufficient. But if the guilt persists, you may move on to the next stage to be able to forgive yourself. If no particular way works for you, the last one will help you stop harbouring any grudges against yourself. 

The first step in exploring how to forgive yourself for something terrible is to do nothing.

•How To Forgive Yourself For Something Terrible: Do Nothing 

Most of the time, we feel too critical of ourselves for no real reason. We mock ourselves psychologically to feel guilty for something we haven’t even done. So, when you find yourself trying to discover how to forgive yourself for something terrible, do nothing about it and give it some time. There are high chances that with time the guilt will wear off on its own. It will also serve as a big lesson to you, making you learn not to take things too seriously. That is because taking things too seriously makes us feel guilty even when we have done our best. It makes life miserable for no reason at all. 

So, when any guilt appears in mind, don’t act immaturely fast to correct it. Wait and see for a few days if it goes away on its own. 

So, the first lesson in learning how to forgive yourself for something terrible is to let it go if it can. But if it doesn’t, you need to become a little more sensitive. 

•How To Forgive Yourself For Something Terrible: Be Sensitive

If the guilt doesn’t go away automatically, it’s time to get sensitive about the issue. Sensitivity means becoming open to the possibility that you might have done something wrong. Give the whole thing a deep thought until you conclude. Take help from other people. Ask them what they think about what you did. Think practically of the best possible course of action that you could have taken in the situation. Then see if you had done something completely opposite or if you were somewhere in between. If you did the completely opposite thing, you are guilty and must seek clemency. But if you were somewhere in between and you have genuine reasons for doing so, it’s OK.

So, being sensitive may either give you a clean chit, or it may clearly point out your mistake. In the former case, you don’t need any let-off. That is to say that you can move on with your life. But in the latter case, you need to search for ways to give amnesty to yourself for the unacceptable thing you did. 

So, the second step in mastering how to forgive yourself for something terrible is to be open-minded. That takes us to the next step, which is realisation. 

•How To Forgive Yourself For Something Terrible: Realise

Realisation is going through the whole situation once again in your mind to re-check, confirm, and find out how you made that mistake. It is like reinvestigating into the incident to reestablish the conclusion that you made a mistake and that your guilt is justified. Realisation serves two purposes. Firstly, it confirms that you were really at fault and that you need to look for forgiveness. Secondly, it gives you an idea about where and how you went off-track. It helps you realise the more trivial mistakes that led to the more important ones. Also, it will help you avoid committing the same mistakes in the future and prepare you well to deserve absolution. It will also help you accept your error to attract forgiveness.

If you are unable to reestablish your fault, you are probably innocent. But if you can realise your mistake, you have confirmed that you went off-track. It means that you need to look for forgiveness. 

So, the third thing to keep in mind while trying to understand how to forgive yourself for something terrible is to confirm your mistake. And when you do, it needs you to accept your blunder so that you can seek forgiveness for it.

•How To Forgive Yourself For Something Terrible: Accept

When you have reconfirmed and realised your mistake, it may become easier to accept it. But many times, we are not able to digest our mistakes. It is because we might be in a state of shock/disbelief or simply because we don’t want to go through the arduous process of seeking forgiveness. The shock will slowly but surely turn itself into acceptance. Similarly, with time, we will also get prepared to ask for pardon. After all, life cannot move smoothly without remission for the sins we commit. So, we will accept our mistake to get ready for forgiveness. 

As soon as we accept our mistakes, we also clear ourselves of the blame to an extent. But to pardon ourselves fully, we need to seek forgiveness from the person we hurt or harmed. To clarify, we would not overlook our mistakes until the person we hurt or harmed forgives us. If the person has already forgiven us, we can move on with our lives freely. But if he hasn’t, we need to ask him for mercy. 

That completes the first leg of how to forgive yourself for something terrible and brings us to the second part of the process of seeking forgiveness.

II) How To Ask For Forgiveness for Something Terrible 

Asking for forgiveness from someone you hurt requires courage, hard work & persistence. It has three steps. Unlike under ‘how to forgive yourself for something terrible’ here we have to go through with all the steps irrespective of whether we achieve the person’s forgiveness. That is because we have to undo the damage we caused by doing some hard work. And we also need to give it some time to let the psychological and the physical destruction reverse themselves.

So, the first step when trying to seek forgiveness from someone is to confess that you committed a mistake.

• Confess

If the person you hurt doesn’t know it was you who did that ghastly act against him, then you first need to confess it in front of him. That is because he deserves to know what happened and who did it. The truth is the least you can give him after hurting him. It will provide him a huge psychological relief. But if he already knows, you can tell him that you have realised & accepted your mistake. It will vindicate his emotions and eliminate his confusion forever. He will be able to clear himself of the blame for what had happened. It will help him move on with his life without any baggage, even without an apology from you. 

Confessions are a powerful way towards discovering how to forgive yourself for something terrible that you did. 

When your confession makes the person feel better, you have to open up to him and apologise for what you did.

•Apologize

Your apology would make him feel even better. It will wash away all the bad memories, grief, and dissatisfaction related to the incident. It will restore his original self that had been altered by your mistake. This heartfelt apology of yours would wash away your sins as well, irrespective of whether the person forgives you or not. Let the person know that you are really sorry for what you did. Explain to him why you did what you did. Promise him not to do such a thing ever in the future. Offer him some help that he might need. Wish him all the best for the future and promise to be there for him whenever he needs you. 

Apologising is probably the most crucial stage of learning how to forgive yourself for something terrible that you did. It liberates the person to whom you apologise. So, it is very much possible that the person will feel no malice towards you anymore. But if he still does, you have to move on to the next step in this journey anyway, which is to undo the damage or minimise it.

•Restore

Irrespective of whether the person you hurt forgives you or not, you have to try and restore the damage as much as possible. You have to work hard, give it all you have, and make an honest effort to restore the original situation. In most circumstances, it’s not possible to restore things to their original condition, so retrieving the closest possible thing will also do the job. Recovering what you destroyed is the most practical way towards finding out how to forgive yourself for something terrible that you did.

If the person had already forgiven you, he would be delighted and obliged. But if he had not forgiven you, he would be thankful from inside even if he doesn’t express it. And with time, he may start showing signs of having forgiven you. But there also may be the possibility of the person not pardoning you ever. In this case, you have to leave things on time and fate. You have to learn to be patient.

•Be Patient

You need to realise that people may be scarred for life due to your mistakes. In this case, they may not pardon you at all. But you don’t have to feel pathetic about it. You need to know that mistakes are a part & parcel of life. But the important thing is to realise them, apologise for them, and work to reverse them as far as possible. Basically, you need to do what is in your hands. If you have sincerely, honestly, and truthfully done repentance for your sins and your mistakes, it doesn’t matter if the person you hurt forgives you or not. That is because he might not be capable of doing it. It’s not his fault, but now it’s not your fault either. Do what is right and leave the rest to time, fate, and God.

Be patient and wait for forgiveness. If it is meant to happen, it will come at the right time. And when the person you hurt forgives you, you will also be able to let bygones be bygones wholeheartedly. 

Being patient and waiting for forgiveness is the most tricky part while figuring out how to forgive yourself for something terrible that you may have done. But it’s worth the wait as once the person you hurt lets you off the hook, you will be able to acquit yourself fully of the blame.

How To Forgive Yourself For Something Terrible: The Conclusion

Don’t be scared of making mistakes in life. Similarly, never say to yourself that I can’t forgive myself for my sins. That is because if you do, your mistakes or sins will not let you live freely and fully. Move forward in life with confidence but also be careful of the mistakes you commit on the way. Know how to forgive yourself for something terrible, be capable of forgiving yourself, correct your slips, learn from them, and keep improving as you go through with your life.

Seeking forgiveness prevents us from going on the wrong path. That means that mistakes make us better and more successful human beings provided we learn to pardon ourselves and take things more positively. If you realise this, it will make it a lot easier for you to forgive yourself for all the mistakes you commit in life. It will unlock all possible opportunities for you, which will make your life mesmerisingly successful!