How To Deal With Expectations

Expectations Are Not A Trap

Expectations are considered to be an intrinsic part of human existence. Whatever we have done in the past, may be doing in the present or plan to do in the future, all of it is full of expectations from people, situations, things and even from our own selves. We want everything to behave in a certain way to suit our ideas, preferences and objectives. The general perception is that expectations are hurtful but still we are unable to give them up. This has made us think that life universally is a struggle and full of pain and sorrow. But this is not true. We can choose to keep expectations and still not be miserable. Also, if we don’t want them we can remove them from our life and live absolutely peacefully without them. Let’s see how we can do this.

Bad Expectations : Security (Case1)

Expectations of Security

Let’s begin by looking into why expectations make life miserable. The first reason why expectations work against people is that they want their life to move in a certain set pattern and on a set path. Any other way is like an accident for them. Uncertainties, surprises & change scare the hell out of them. Expectations are not bad per se but having expectations because we are scared of life is sure to give us a hard time without giving us much out of the whole situation. When we want to keep moving on a set straight path, the first thing that will happen to us is that our lives will become a roller-coaster and will start moving in a completely zig-zag fashion. It will become full of chaos, turmoil and unnecessary troubles. It will feel as if we ourselves are inviting trouble into our own lives. Life gives us only those situations which we have not faced till that point of time. The more we try to avoid uncertainties, struggle and uncomfortable situations, the more we will fall into the trap of inviting them into our life. And because we have not faced too many of such demanding situations in life before, we will find them harder to deal with. 

We are not saying here that we should invite troubles in our lives but we can at least be open to new things and experiences so that they teach us important life lessons and enrich us in the process. So, it’s better that we don’t expect the path we want in life but accept the path that Nature decides for us.

Bad Expectations : Rigid Goals (Case2)

Rigid Goals

The second reason why expectations make lives miserable is that we have some rigid goals in life and we want to achieve them at any cost. And to achieve these fixed goals it is pertinent to have pre-conceived expectations from everything and everyone around us. This is again a problem. If we keep expecting people to behave in a certain way that yields us our objectives, we have become nothing but a tyrant. We will always try to use everything to our benefit even if it comes at a great cost to someone. We will destroy many lives in the process including ours. It will make us lose our humanity, human-relations and human-values which would reduce the quality of our lives. This way, even if we achieve our objective, it will not make us happy but only leave us lonely. And if we fail to achieve our objective then we will be left with absolutely nothing which will make us feel cheated, frustrated & extremely unhappy. 

So, fears or compulsions should never be the drivers of our expectations in life.

Good Expectations : Hope & Positivity

Hope & Positivity

Then what purpose should expectations serve in our lives? If we choose to keep them in our lives then what are the things that we need to keep in our minds? Expectations should not be allowed to make us rigid, fearful or attached with anything. They should only serve as an indication to tell us which way our life is heading so that we can make changes in ourself to make changes in our life. We should never get too attached with our expectations. They should only be used to stay positive and hopeful in our lives. Also, expectations should not make us incapable of tackling uncertainties. In fact, it should make us extra-alert and should keep us on our toes to be ready for surprises and unexpected circumstances. When we expect someone to do something and he doesn’t, we should not get irritated but assume the total  responsibility of the situation thereon. If situations don’t go as expected by us, we should have alternative plans and we should be able to improvise. Most importantly, if we don’t achieve what we expect to achieve out of life, we should take it as an important lesson and keep improving and evolving so that we achieve something even better in future. If we keep these things in mind, expectations are good for us and they will work in our favor!

But we can also choose to have a milder version of expectations in our life. The milder version of expectations is ‘Hope’ which works really well for everyone. Hope doesn’t make us attached with our fears or with our goals. It just stays with us as positivity which keeps us going. It has all the positive features as explained in the previous paragraph that makes expectations manageable for us. 

No Expectations 

Freedom From Expectations!

But expectations can also be totally removed from our lives without making us feel empty or directionless. This can be done by seeing our expectation just as a possibility among the infinite possibilities life presents to us. When we come to know that we have limitless other possibilities apart from our expectation, our expectations will die a natural and peaceful death. We remain trapped in our own expected outcomes without realizing that we can have other better possible outcomes in our favor in every situation. Once we realize this, we will be able to let go our expectation once and forever. Doing this will also make us capable of seeing the larger picture in every situation that will make us a more mature, wise and intelligent person. We will be able to take a fully-informed decision every time and would also be open to better possibilities offered by situations, people & Nature. 

Conclusion

When we try to aim at a single point, it gives us a lot of stress and the probability of hitting the target is also low. But when we are aware of multiple positive & better possibilities for ourself, we will be able to hit any one of these  targets which is equally good or even better for us. So, either change the motive behind your expectation from fear & compulsion to hope and positivity or replace expectations with possibilities to make your life truly peaceful, happy & successful all at the same time!

Freedom & Happiness!