Introduction : Dealing With An Angry Person
If anger is (slow) poison then an angry person is a person trying to kill himself (in instalments). But the problem with an enraged guy is that he spills-over the poison in other people’s mouth (life) as well. He gives an experience to others that is at least equal to what he is experiencing within. In short, everyone around an angry person feels the heat.
Life is unfair sometimes. The bad mood of a person may be because of someone else but the wrath of his anger mostly falls on somebody else. Someone who has not done anything wrong and is completely innocent. And innocents don’t deserve punishments.
It is common that our boss or a senior at work is angry for some reason and it costs us in the form of an insult in public, greater work-load or a rejected promotion. How do we calm them down and bring out their peaceful side? How do we protect our interests from somebody’s unjustified rage?
We can do this by extinguishing the fire of anger in people. It will ensure the well-being of everyone and will be a win-win for all. But how do we control this wild-fire of anger in someone’s mind experience? Let’s find out.
Stop Getting Mad & Cultivate Calmness Within Yourself First
The first thing that you need to ensure when dealing with an angry person is to be calm yourself. You need to become an ocean of tranquility. Know the negative effects of your exasperation on yourself and on others around us. Be completely informed & convinced that anger is not your thing. And in any situation irrespective of its urgency, you should practice never to fall victim to your own anger.
You cannot melt, defuse or water-down someone else’s rage if you yourself are still a slave to your own anger. When your own image is that of an angry person, it means that you find anger useful in some way. So, how will you deny someone something that you think is of utility to them?
If you cannot control your anger, its prevalence, role & spread will keep increasing in your life. You will keep getting angry which will also enhance your acceptance of other people’s anger on you. It may also pull you into verbal or physical fights which would make matters even worse. And moving forward in life will bring more misery, confusion, failures & frustration. As a result, you will start curtailing your life to avoid ugly situations. This will affect your well-being and the quality of your life.
Observe, Realise & Give-Up Getting Mad
So, you need to keenly observe yourself and your life to see the harms of your anger. And once you notice them, you will naturally start to move towards a more calmer & peaceful-self. You will start seeing more meaning and value in staying calm and moving away from violent ways of life. This will prepare you to be able to defuse anyone’s anger very quickly and with conviction.
When you display stability and remain unmoved when someone is angry, you become an instant anger-defuser. The angry person recognises the futility of his anger as your calmness increasingly draws him towards itself. In a sub-conscious way you teach him to stay peaceful and give-up being an angry person. And when he does, he is thankful to you and starts valuing you as a person. He feels that if anyone can save him from his anger, it’s you! It’s a situation where everyone benefits from your wise, mature, sensible, peaceful behaviour. Remember, the silent sky always remains above the violent volcano!
Quick tips to stop being an furious man and start practising calmness
- Practise Yoga & Meditation.
- Do things you really & truly like doing.
- Always keep a smile on your face.
- Stay balanced in your approach towards everything you do.
- Do physical exercises regularly.
- Talk out your fears, concerns, threats with a dear one.
- Become your best friend and enjoy your own company.
- Stop taking pressure arising from the expectations of others.
- Go for long drives, walks and explorations.
- Try-out new things to keep opening up to life slowly but surely.
- Play games & sports to practice playfulness in life.
- Play with pets and spend some time in Nature everyday.
Read The Signs of Hidden Anger in Any Human-Being
Once your emotional intelligence gets high enough, the next thing to do is to read the signs of hidden anger. When people are angry from within and not on the outside, it’s an even deadlier situation. They can screw you even without any prior notice or warning. So, you have to read their bad mood and bring their anger to the fore by talking to them.
If someone is angry or dissatisfied with something, making them express it freely is a good idea for two reasons. First, the boiling anger inside someone can become a devastating lava in no time which is dangerous both for the person himself and for the people around him. Second, once the anger is out in the open, the person will feel lighter. The angry man’s problem can now be discussed & dealt with by a wise person around him. It’s easier to tame a tiger than to manage a hungry one!
So, you need to be able to read the discontent in an angry person.
The hidden signs of a hot-tempered individual :
- Irritable Behaviour
- Mental Rigidity
- Unnatural Silence
- Frequent Headaches & body-aches due to inner stress
- Sitting alone for long periods of time
- Unwilling to do important activities
- Being foolishly-brave in certain situations
Bring Out The Hidden Resentment of The Angry Man & Defuse It Smartly
Once you spot the rage within an angry person, it’s time to be brave! You need to talk to them. Remember, do not talk to them about their problem directly as it can trigger their anger even further. But you don’t have to talk to them about anything that is of importance to you either, as the angry person might cause harm to you. You have to talk to them naturally about something general and wait for their anger to come out.
What a general talk can do is to give you a chance to defuse the enraged person’s hidden anger without bringing it out. A fresh topic of discussion may divert the angry person’s mind away from his problem. This gives him an opportunity to forget his pain. If there is any chance still left, he may chose to walk out of his possible outrage. But to be realistic, the chances of this happening are very small. The bigger possibility is that he will let the rage out and onto you.
Become An Absorber of The Angry Person’s Complaints
When the enraged person starts pouring out his angry thoughts onto you, you need to become absorbing like a sponge or a deep vessel that is useful for storage. You have to give his talk full attention and show utmost interest in what he is saying. Any angry person craves for nothing but attention so let him have it. Don’t take anything he says all this while personally. Just along with a constant eye-contact, give him a deep & patient hearing without showing any emotions.
If he asks something, answer very briefly yet precisely in a very neutral, natural and calm tone. What this does is that it tells him that his anger is a wasteful act and that you are not scared by his rage at all. You are also giving him a fine example of peace & calmness which he might chose to learn & borrow from you.
You will see that within a few minutes, the ranting man will get all exhausted. The angry person has poured all his anger out. He feels empty & light now. The anger has flown out and emptied the ‘tank’. Also, your calmness has made him acknowledge the futility of his anger which has made him demand & choose freedom from it. And secretly he is really thankful to you for that.
Be The Bigger Person And Forgive The Wrathful Customer!
But he is also feeling ashamed for what he has done. He is feeling guilty about it! This is quite natural. Anger is mostly followed by guilt. People feel guilty for the destruction they caused while they were angry. So, he will most likely apologise to you.
This is where you have to make him open-up and talk to you about his problem. You have to tell him that it’s completely fine and that you did not mind it at all. Tell him that you are concerned about him and his well-being. Tell him that you are there if he needs any help. Anger is also a sign of fear, mostly the fear of being alone. When he hears that somebody is willing to be there for him, your wrathful customer’s anger starts melting even faster. He will be more than prepared to share his problem with you. And when he does, give him some practical solutions and end it by saying that it will all be just fine.
Your small but useful chat with him will do three big things. First, it will remove his anger from its roots as you have attended the underlying cause of it. Second, it will strengthen your bond with him as a true friend. And finally it will reduce the role & frequency of anger in his life. He knows he can come to you with his problems. He will start valuing you more and anger less than ever before.
Conclusion : A Calm Persona Trumps an Inflamed Character Any Day!
Who wouldn’t value a person who is capable of taking negativity from people and turning it into positivity, hope and happiness before giving it back to them? And all this was made possible only because of your calmness! You cannot fight fire with fire as it will only fuel its spread further. You can only become water so that even if fire enters you, it gets defused. But remember, even an oil-spill in the ocean can help fire spread easily, fast & far. So, you have to become completely ‘incapable’ of anger before being able to defuse it for other enraged individuals. And when you do so, you have become not only an anger-warrior but a joy-spreader!